Snake America: Iteration Five
Snake is a regular email (twice a week-ish) where I write about eBay auctions, videos I've come across, ephemera, errata, Persian carpets, Taschen Books intra-office squabbling... Reader Rob asked for headings...
Nice Car:
http://item.ebay.com/221538675214 - I don't know anything about cars except that I'm buying my friend "Fat" Rich's Prius Honda Fit at the end of his lease, and then running it into the ground for transport of cantaloupes credenzas, etc. from the farthest reaches of Eastern New Jersey's most authentic flea markets to my spare, regal apartment. I didn't have a car in high school or nothing, and in fact most no one I grew up with had one growing up. I have yet to own one or pay insurance. Five years ago I developed a keen interest in New York's extensive sub-$2,000 car market, the bulk of which went to repeatedly emailing one guy selling late-80s Mercedes S-classes on Craigslist out of what one lot and through several phone numbers. The same way people put MARIGOLD or BANANA in their Craigslistings so you can see them all, I'd search for Jabar. He never responded.... Cars in Canada don't last through the winter and the sub-$5,000 market is meager. I can't imagine what it's like in Miami. If I could get the Will Smith 1987 325i and hang out in it/drive for burgers if it couldn't fit credenzas or dusty carpets. If I sold enough Eames chairs or Northern Soul 7"s or collectible toilets from the flea markets I'd use Fat Rich's Honda a $1,500 S-class to go to, it'd pay for itself. It looked like the monthly payments on some of the cars on my block outpaced their apartments' rent. Land Rover Discoverys dotted the landscape, but I Discovered (lmaoooo) trips to the garage would be regular and costly. As much as I wanted a conveyance, it'd end up cancelling the margins off the Aztec carpets I'd be selling. Having never owned a car, I assume crankshafts need to be replaced twice a year. Cars have never been real to me... This Challengers's license plate says SNAKE, this is the car in Vanishing Point (1971 USA), a t.a.T.u. video and right before the scene in Space Jam (USA 1996) when Jordan finds his shorts (he drives up in a Challenger; former Clippers/Indiana point guard Eric Gordon plays his son). This car has a 10-cylinder engine taken out from a (Dodge) Viper, which my friend James says is some real rich-redneck shit. (Ten-cylinder engines are faster than Hemi engines, but aren't as prized by collectors because Hemis and Hemis and because Challengers didn't come with a 10-cyl option. In James' words, putting a Hemi in a 1970 Dodge Challenger is like putting an Air Force sole on a Jordan III. A Challenger with a Hemi is like an original pair of black-gold Jordan Is.) I like the idea of having Frankensteined anything:
Like this slap-in-the-face of a chair. I am also a fan of items that increase in in value (because I'm American), like 1970 Challengers, and I am a fan of SNAKE*. The seller's video page, linked off her eBay page, is kind of cool too, and is probably worth ending on.
Nice (?) Hat:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/390805215280 - Sometimes a mistake lasts forever. A Vietnam-era baseball cap paid for by tax dollars, worn by soldiers when fighting communism, the lack of syphilis and a generous strike zone. Some came with little insignia pins on the front. They were heavy green canvas--OG 107. The Viet Cong's hats which weren't pith helmets were pretty close to these baseball hats but with a flatter top and brim. The American hats are most similar to Patrik Ervell's plain, image-free leather flat-brimmed baseball hats and the identical cheap versions available for sale on Orchard St. right above Delancey next to the new Max Fish. The flat-brim Viet Cong hat forces more immediate associations to a dark age in youth subculture--the mosh hat--which I will not link to or really discuss further. I think that the terrible association of the mosh hat overshadows this thing linked above, too. What a shame. How does a communist-flat top brimless mistake became Vietnam militaria's primary export? The competition is staggering... OG-107 pants, boonie hats, tiger camo, slanty-pocket short-sleeve coats, bullet necklaces, Zippo lighters with Snoopy and/or swear words on them, jungle boots with the ripple sole, pre-cut canvas shorts, flak vests, plain green 11 oz. T-shirts, plain white T-shirts of indiscriminate weight, green socks, ball-rope necklaces, rip-stop. I can't wear this thing. Pretty impressive.
"Nice" Aggressive Rock Album:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMv5ncZ86yQ - Celtic Frost's Cold Lake (Switzerland 1988) is maybe considered the worst metal record of all-time? But it's surprisingly not bad? I'm not sure what that says about me? Or what it says about the state of music right now? Or Celtic Frost's genius? But it's probably the third thing? I don't even like them that much? I mean, I do but I don't go out of my way to talk about them? Cold Lake sounds like Death SS meets the first Prong LP and there's a rap intro? Warrior's voice sounds stupid in the same way Hellhammer's drums sounded stupid? He retired from rock music and became H.R. Giger's personal assistant? I kept with the theme... Blast Furnace (USA 1993) is a bonafide piece of shit and is unlistenable because the forced simplicity and blockheadedness that made Slap Shot's earlier record(s) work does not. On Blast Furnace, they're inept, logy, obese. But the intro is insane? What movie is it?
Thanks, as always, for reading. Hate mail, requests, corrections, tips, hair-feathering-kits and lotion-in-a-drawer can be sent to me via mail or butler-to-butler correspondence. Thank you again for your time.
Snake
* tinyletter.com/SNAKE